the last day of 2008...

i swear i am NOT on drugs. i have never done illegal drugs, nor have i ever abused prescription drugs in my life. i have no crazy addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, cigarettes, etc. in fact, i could be classified as mormon, were it not for the scarcity of biracial mormons in this world. i'm fine being part of a minority, but i don't want to make up the entire population of said minority. i could also be a nun, were it not for my inability to distance myself from my most treasured material things (i.e., my pillow, converse sneakers, iphone, macbook, old photos, and books). anyway, i only mention drugs because i have just read this post (yes, this is paragraph is from a different moment in time than the following paragraphs), and i end it as though i am a child of the 60s. or the offspring of henry david thoreau and emily dickinson.

so, on this day, the last day of 2008, i must admit that things are not well. i realized that at the end of this year, only one great thing happened. i finally got my master's degree. maybe two things, i guess...i had that tutoring job and felt useful to the world. now, things couldn't be in a bigger mess. mentally, not in a good head space. physically, i'm not fat, but i'll be 30 soon, and i feel like i need to work towards an active lifestyle, or i will get huge and develop even bigger complexes pertaining to my self worth and relation to people. emotionally, i'm confused. i might be bipolar, i don't know. that might just be my hypochondria talking, but i have health insurance now, so maybe i can see a doctor and get my head filled with medical worries.

i grow increasingly frustrated with my job, all due to hurricane ike displacing me to the purgatory of the offshore energy center's main office in houston. yes, i wasn't too fond of galveston, but there were two co-workers in galveston i didn't mind so much, and i felt like i was doing something. it might not have been saving the world, but i was applying everything i learned (and paid for) in grad school to actual museum work. hmm...

on this last day of 2008, i also realize that i constantly make poor decisions, which lead to being victimized along the scale of which one can be victimized. the hurricane. christmas being stolen (oh...did i mention that when it happened? must have been only on twitter. well, some asswipe broke into our house between 100-230am on christmas morning and stole gifts from under our tree) by some neighborhood grinch. money stolen from me in february. my credit cards stolen and used in july. there is an unwritten laundry list of wrongs against me/us. it's just been one fun time after another.

surely i don't bring it upon myself!? i was there during the "secret" craze, i watch oprah. i understand that universe action/reaction thing, but i swear i'm not always "woe is me, universe bring all your bad tidings upon me. have someone come to me and steal my american express, capital one, and usaa cards and charge $1135 at gas stations and bars across houston on them!" no way. i do not believe that me questioning if an ex has feelings for me or thinking about my loneliness makes all of this stuff happen. but i can't explain how it happened other than it did. i am aware that it happened. i only hope that it ceases to occur in 2009, and that it's yet another string of life/path that bring me to whereever else i'm supposed to be going.

i hope 2009 is better. for all of us.

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Check out the top two replies in the above picture. Awesome.

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My 30th birthday is in 35 days.

Oh, what fun.