i am in love with this man.
perhaps because he looks so much like justin.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
the beginning of the end
the exhibit is up and over. thank god. i'm incredibly glad that part of my stress is over and done with. however, i did get quite attached to every student in the class. they were a better bunch than last year's students, and i will be sad to see them go.
each person heard about my woes, issues, and jokes. it was an interesting semester.
jaylene: have you ever heard the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
me: have you ever heard the phrase "out of sight, out of mind?"
i applied for a job in redding, which is approximately 64 miles north of chico. it's an exhibit technician position at the turtle bay exploration park. apparently, my chances are good. dr. fox is pretty confident i'll get the job. she says she has a gut instinct that i'll get it. maybe she has gas. adrienne says she's 90% sure i'll get the job.
i'm all for money and an exhibit job, but i'm afraid of living completely alone in a town i know no one and nothing about. scary scary. i keep thinking the town is populated with trashy rapists and murderers. oh joy.
help.
each person heard about my woes, issues, and jokes. it was an interesting semester.
jaylene: have you ever heard the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
me: have you ever heard the phrase "out of sight, out of mind?"
i applied for a job in redding, which is approximately 64 miles north of chico. it's an exhibit technician position at the turtle bay exploration park. apparently, my chances are good. dr. fox is pretty confident i'll get the job. she says she has a gut instinct that i'll get it. maybe she has gas. adrienne says she's 90% sure i'll get the job.
i'm all for money and an exhibit job, but i'm afraid of living completely alone in a town i know no one and nothing about. scary scary. i keep thinking the town is populated with trashy rapists and murderers. oh joy.
help.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
for all of the non believers out there
i don't lie. when i say "i've met dane cook three times," i really do mean that literally. notice how he always has an arm wrapped around me, and we get closer each time...
at the laff stop in houston (10.11.02) 
at the laff stop for the second time (06.28.03)
at his first show in san jose (10.30.03). some of you may recognize this as my christmas card from three years ago. i drove six hours to see him, because i was aching for some comedy. he signed the picture i had of the last time i saw him in houston:
Sunday, December 03, 2006
the year that was
i began my life here in chico alone. then good things happened, and i carved a little niche for myself here. things changed this semester, and now i will end my life in chico just as i began it. alone.
today, i went to mass, and spent the majority of the hour crying in a corner of a pew.
okay, first off...the museum exhibit is behind schedule. the class hasn't been putting enough effort in, and dr. schaefer has gotten to the point where she is more concerned with the floor being clean, than with labels being peer-reviewed and made, so the exhibit has gotten VERY behind.
personally, things have been rough for me, and it being this weekend, i was ready for a break-down, and was surprised when it didn't happen friday night, or saturday afternoon. however, during my drive back to my room from the museum, it happened. i wept.
i realized that i didn't have my usual weekend cry, because i have been so busy trying to please everyone before the semester ends, apply for a job, and prepare to move back to houston, all while i try to get the museum exhibit on any sort of road to progress.
on my drive home, i had enough time to actually think. and then my throat started to close up and my eyes started to well up.
today, i thought i might be okay. until i went to mass, and the priest starts off the first sunday of advent by saying, "looking back on the past year, if things are exactly the same as last year, something's very wrong." i had mixed feelings about his statement, because a year ago, things were definitely different for me. i was happy, in love, and looking forward to spending a very happy christmas thursday with my someone before heading home to houston. i can't believe how, a year later, things couldn't be more different for me. i'm alone and confused, and have no idea what direction i'm supposed to move in.
so, i thought about this throughout mass, and wept silently in my corner of the church. i thought about how much i wanted the past, and how i much i can't stand the term "full-circle."
today, i went to mass, and spent the majority of the hour crying in a corner of a pew.
okay, first off...the museum exhibit is behind schedule. the class hasn't been putting enough effort in, and dr. schaefer has gotten to the point where she is more concerned with the floor being clean, than with labels being peer-reviewed and made, so the exhibit has gotten VERY behind.
personally, things have been rough for me, and it being this weekend, i was ready for a break-down, and was surprised when it didn't happen friday night, or saturday afternoon. however, during my drive back to my room from the museum, it happened. i wept.
i realized that i didn't have my usual weekend cry, because i have been so busy trying to please everyone before the semester ends, apply for a job, and prepare to move back to houston, all while i try to get the museum exhibit on any sort of road to progress.
on my drive home, i had enough time to actually think. and then my throat started to close up and my eyes started to well up.
today, i thought i might be okay. until i went to mass, and the priest starts off the first sunday of advent by saying, "looking back on the past year, if things are exactly the same as last year, something's very wrong." i had mixed feelings about his statement, because a year ago, things were definitely different for me. i was happy, in love, and looking forward to spending a very happy christmas thursday with my someone before heading home to houston. i can't believe how, a year later, things couldn't be more different for me. i'm alone and confused, and have no idea what direction i'm supposed to move in.
so, i thought about this throughout mass, and wept silently in my corner of the church. i thought about how much i wanted the past, and how i much i can't stand the term "full-circle."
Saturday, November 25, 2006
home is where the heart is
You know you're from Houston when...
You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still
haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't even left your neighborhood.)
Spring is not the season, Katy is not a lady, and 1960 is not a year.
The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.
If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a
Randall's Flagship, Rice Epicurean Market, or a Kroger's Signature.
You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.
You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a cold front has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.
When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you know he just stepped in a fire ant bed.
You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.
You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs
but you don't care, because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.
You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.
You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop.
You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction --
and you've lived there for 20-30 years.
If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a good hair day.
The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.
You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury has.
You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night.
You actually get these jokes.
You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still
haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't even left your neighborhood.)
Spring is not the season, Katy is not a lady, and 1960 is not a year.
The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.
If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a
Randall's Flagship, Rice Epicurean Market, or a Kroger's Signature.
You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.
You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a cold front has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees in a matter of minutes.
When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you know he just stepped in a fire ant bed.
You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.
You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs
but you don't care, because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise there.
You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.
You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop.
You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction --
and you've lived there for 20-30 years.
If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a good hair day.
The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.
You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury has.
You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night.
You actually get these jokes.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
i love it
i love when music, emotion, and imagery go together perfectly. oh, and i love little surprises, like already owning the HEM cd that contains the song liberty mutual uses in its ad.
Friday, November 17, 2006
make a wish
the usual website i get the friday five from had cruddy questions, so i chose the questions at another site. funny, i didn't know there were other 'friday five" websites out there...
1. When is your birthday?
january 9. this is the same birthday as dave matthews, joan baez, and richard nixon.
2. When you blow out the candles on your cake, do you make a wish? Have any of them come true?
i always make a wish. none of them ever come true.
3. How do you feel about birthdays and birthday celebrations?
i like my birthday, but i hate all of the attention. i just like any excuse to eat cake.
4. What has been your favorite birthday gift? What kind of gifts really blow you away?
justin gave me a lot of cool litle presents when i turned 26. i really liked them, because even though they were small, they really reflected who i am a person, and what my interests are. gifts that show someone really put in some thought blow me away like that.
5. What flavor cake do you prefer?
i'm simple. i like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. however, if it's an ice cream cake, i like yellow cake with chocolate ice cream.
i found another site with questions i liked better than the usual one, which had questions all pertaining to the internet, which i found rather dull. so, here are some questions from www.friday5.org:
1. What is one thing you always have with you?
i always have one of two things: my cell phone or this small moleskine-type journal where i write about deeper stuff than i would ever write on here. strangely enough, i would have written all that stuff here before, but ever since mid-september, i've chosen never again.
2. What are two things on your night-table (or next to your bed)?
this book called Get in the Game! The Girls' Guide to Money and Investing, and a bottle of water.
3. What are three things you learned in the last seven days?
courtesy of this podcast called "brain food," i have learned that acorns are poisonous to humans, and if they are ingested, they cause kidney damage; the universe has no center or end; there are some dogs that can detect autism in people, and can be trained to alert someone within an hour of them having a seizure.
4. What are four things parents always have to tell you?
"we'll support you, no matter what" (and by "support," i don't mean monetarily), "don't forget to eat well," "i love you," "i'm proud of you," and "everything will be okay."
5. What are five things you paid for in the last month?
groceries, my credit card bills, a christmas present for justin, lunch, and a CD to listen to in my car.
1. When is your birthday?
january 9. this is the same birthday as dave matthews, joan baez, and richard nixon.
2. When you blow out the candles on your cake, do you make a wish? Have any of them come true?
i always make a wish. none of them ever come true.
3. How do you feel about birthdays and birthday celebrations?
i like my birthday, but i hate all of the attention. i just like any excuse to eat cake.
4. What has been your favorite birthday gift? What kind of gifts really blow you away?
justin gave me a lot of cool litle presents when i turned 26. i really liked them, because even though they were small, they really reflected who i am a person, and what my interests are. gifts that show someone really put in some thought blow me away like that.
5. What flavor cake do you prefer?
i'm simple. i like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. however, if it's an ice cream cake, i like yellow cake with chocolate ice cream.
i found another site with questions i liked better than the usual one, which had questions all pertaining to the internet, which i found rather dull. so, here are some questions from www.friday5.org:
1. What is one thing you always have with you?
i always have one of two things: my cell phone or this small moleskine-type journal where i write about deeper stuff than i would ever write on here. strangely enough, i would have written all that stuff here before, but ever since mid-september, i've chosen never again.
2. What are two things on your night-table (or next to your bed)?
this book called Get in the Game! The Girls' Guide to Money and Investing, and a bottle of water.
3. What are three things you learned in the last seven days?
courtesy of this podcast called "brain food," i have learned that acorns are poisonous to humans, and if they are ingested, they cause kidney damage; the universe has no center or end; there are some dogs that can detect autism in people, and can be trained to alert someone within an hour of them having a seizure.
4. What are four things parents always have to tell you?
"we'll support you, no matter what" (and by "support," i don't mean monetarily), "don't forget to eat well," "i love you," "i'm proud of you," and "everything will be okay."
5. What are five things you paid for in the last month?
groceries, my credit card bills, a christmas present for justin, lunch, and a CD to listen to in my car.
Friday, November 10, 2006
wanderlust
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the friday five...
1) If you had to move 100 miles or more to the north, east, west, or south, which would you choose, where would you end up, and what's so great about there?
i have no idea, because, honestly, i think that either direction would be nowhere, especially when chico would be considered point A
2) Do you have a favorite stretch of highway or byway for driving, touring, or wandering?
there is this one part of highway 6 between beechnut and highway 90 that i love; however, my all-time favorite place to drive is down main street in houston, between north or south braeswood and one hermann circle, right through the medical center and rice university, in the museum district. i just love the trees there. the perfect time to drive is on a bright day at around 930am with no stops, because the speed at which you drive and the way the light filters in through the trees...it's just really beautiful.
3) Are you happier to start a trip or return home?
start a trip. definitely.
4) Plane, train, automobile, bicycle, or foot?
train. definitely.
5) Do you overplan or underplan your travels? (Assume that "no" is not a valid answer.)
in terms of packing, i overplan. but, when it comes to activities and stuff, i underplan. i really don't like to plan too much, because i rather like letting the environment, people, etc., just dictate what i do. like, whatever i feel like doing, depending on what the day seems to call for.
Monday, November 06, 2006
cider and pumpkins and leaves, oh my!
i love autumn. i like the coziness of it, and the warmth of the colors. and i am super-psyched that there are thanksgiving commercials on TV! and i've even seen some christmas ones already.
now that being away from home for grad school has gotten to me in a big way, i am really feeling the christmas spirit. already! i just want to go home and play fetch with the dog, and go to all my favorite and familiar places, and just be at home. it'll be good after this cruddy semester. it'll be good to be in the comfort of my own familiar space, and be able to cope better with the loss of a lot of things this past semester.
now that being away from home for grad school has gotten to me in a big way, i am really feeling the christmas spirit. already! i just want to go home and play fetch with the dog, and go to all my favorite and familiar places, and just be at home. it'll be good after this cruddy semester. it'll be good to be in the comfort of my own familiar space, and be able to cope better with the loss of a lot of things this past semester.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
they say music soothes the savage beast
It's Friday. Time for the Friday Five...
1) What was the first CD/Record/Album/Artist you ever bought and what format was it in? (Vinyl/Cassette/CD/MP3 Download)?
i bought Tiffany's debut album on cassette. i wore that thing out!
2) How do you usually listen to music? (iPod/Walkman/Stereo/Radio)
i normally listen to my ipod, unless i'm at work (through the computer) or in my car (CD player).
3) What is your favorite genre of music and why?
i love any type or rock (folk, hard, classic, etc.), and soundtrack by thomas newman.
4) What is your opinion on music video shows and music televion?
i don't think it's about music anymore, especially music television. none of those channels have anything to do with music. it's all about "yo mamma" or some other nonsense.
5) Do you usually agree with who the winners of the Grammy Awards are?
no. real artists/musicians that are talented are never really nominated. people who are nominated and/or win...it's all about the commercial aspect of music. i get it. i just don't like or agree with it, and, yes, i do listen to john mayer, and he is a commercial artist, but i did start listening to him before the grammy wins, huge co-headlining $60 a ticket tours. i guess i just don't like radio-driven bands and music. a lot of the people i listen to are musicians whose music falls under one of three categories: (1) no one but me and a few friends know who they are, (2) their music isn't played on the radio, and (3) tickets to their live shows cost less than $10. i could go on about this topic, but i'll spare you.
Friday, October 27, 2006
food, glorious food!
so, since i've officially decided to embrace blogspot, i am going to inaugurate this version of "knowhere" with the friday five.1) What was the last thing that you ate?
a sugar free jell-o pudding cup that, no joke, i just finished and put the spoon down long enough to type that
2) Who was the last person you shared a meal with?
i had cookies with heather over at cafe mondo not even an hour ago. but i guess that constitutes as a snack, rather than a meal. so, if i have to write about what "meal" i had, it was salads for lunch with adrienne on tuesday after we fixed an exhibit in kendall hall.
3) What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?
people who know me know that my all-time favorite food is a taco, so, to answer this question, i must write that my all-time dish is the Golden Beef Taco meal i always order when i am home in houston and miss my neighborhood dive, Tequila Lopez...the greatest tex-mex place in all the land.
4) If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?
tacos...everyday. i can do this. dare me.
5) If you could have dinner with any five people (dead or alive) who would they be?
ooooh! this is like that show on, what is it, bravo? dinner for five! i would love to have dinner with someone i'd like to meet (my deceased sister), one of my heroes (jonathan larson or bono), a historical figure (benjamin franklin or albert einstein), someone from the future (my husband?), and someone i admire (john mayer).
and that, poor people, was the friday five.
Monday, October 23, 2006
motivation, of sorts...
it happened in the winter of 2002...
Cross, by Langston Hughes
My old man's a white old man
And my old mother's black.
If ever I cursed my white old man
I take my curses back.
If ever I cursed my black old mother
And wished she were in hell,
I'm sorry for that evil wish
And now I wish her well
My old man died in a fine big house.
My ma died in a shack.
I wonder were I'm going to die,
Being neither white nor black?
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoo/celeb-moby.htm (moby's tattoo)
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15047a.htm (the holy trinity)
Cross, by Langston HughesMy old man's a white old man
And my old mother's black.
If ever I cursed my white old man
I take my curses back.
If ever I cursed my black old mother
And wished she were in hell,
I'm sorry for that evil wish
And now I wish her well
My old man died in a fine big house.
My ma died in a shack.
I wonder were I'm going to die,
Being neither white nor black?
http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tattoo/celeb-moby.htm (moby's tattoo)
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15047a.htm (the holy trinity)
Saturday, October 21, 2006
relativity
it's that time of the year again, and my parents are overseas in asia. that means that i am alone in the states yet again, and if i need anything i have to rely on the many aunts, uncles, and cousins i have in this country, which isn't saying much, since everyone seems to operate on that lovely idiom "out of sight, out of mind." long sentence.
anyway, i know that one aunt/uncle set and their son are currently visiting california, and staying in vallejo, which is roughly two hours away. are they coming to see me? no. do they have any interest in what i have been giving up three and a half years of texas for? no. and before anyone thinks i'm acting incredibly selfish and need attention, i must add that this particular aunt/uncle set needs to have something "in it for them" to actually visit, so maybe my claim is invalid. i don't know. i just wish that those relatives outside of my nuclear family showed some type of interest and caring for why i'm in california trying to make something of myself so i can be someone someday.
it sucks because your family is supposed to be there for you no matter what, yet the only people who seem to care are my parents, and with them overseas it gets hard to feel supported.
anyway, i know that one aunt/uncle set and their son are currently visiting california, and staying in vallejo, which is roughly two hours away. are they coming to see me? no. do they have any interest in what i have been giving up three and a half years of texas for? no. and before anyone thinks i'm acting incredibly selfish and need attention, i must add that this particular aunt/uncle set needs to have something "in it for them" to actually visit, so maybe my claim is invalid. i don't know. i just wish that those relatives outside of my nuclear family showed some type of interest and caring for why i'm in california trying to make something of myself so i can be someone someday.
it sucks because your family is supposed to be there for you no matter what, yet the only people who seem to care are my parents, and with them overseas it gets hard to feel supported.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
brain hurt
over the course of about three days, people have told me so many things that deal with their personal issues that my brain hurts, and is on the verge of turning to mush.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
got dumped?
so, yeah...i'm single now, which really sucks. and for some reason, because of the break-up, i have sworn off the xanga, the facebook, and the myspace accounts i have. i just don't feel like continuing on there, because (1) the last xanga entry i have is almost a good-bye to what once was, (2) on facebook/myspace, i'll have to change my "relationship status" crap, and i feel ashamed. so, here's my new home.
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