my new obsession

i am in love with this man.



perhaps because he looks so much like justin.

the beginning of the end

the exhibit is up and over. thank god. i'm incredibly glad that part of my stress is over and done with. however, i did get quite attached to every student in the class. they were a better bunch than last year's students, and i will be sad to see them go.

each person heard about my woes, issues, and jokes. it was an interesting semester.

jaylene: have you ever heard the term "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
me: have you ever heard the phrase "out of sight, out of mind?"

i applied for a job in redding, which is approximately 64 miles north of chico. it's an exhibit technician position at the turtle bay exploration park. apparently, my chances are good. dr. fox is pretty confident i'll get the job. she says she has a gut instinct that i'll get it. maybe she has gas. adrienne says she's 90% sure i'll get the job.

i'm all for money and an exhibit job, but i'm afraid of living completely alone in a town i know no one and nothing about. scary scary. i keep thinking the town is populated with trashy rapists and murderers. oh joy.

help.

regina spektor

my new favorite artist singing one of my new favorite songs...

for all of the non believers out there

i don't lie. when i say "i've met dane cook three times," i really do mean that literally. notice how he always has an arm wrapped around me, and we get closer each time...

at the laff stop in houston (10.11.02)

at the laff stop for the second time (06.28.03)

at his first show in san jose (10.30.03). some of you may recognize this as my christmas card from three years ago. i drove six hours to see him, because i was aching for some comedy. he signed the picture i had of the last time i saw him in houston:

the year that was

i began my life here in chico alone. then good things happened, and i carved a little niche for myself here. things changed this semester, and now i will end my life in chico just as i began it. alone.

today, i went to mass, and spent the majority of the hour crying in a corner of a pew.

okay, first off...the museum exhibit is behind schedule. the class hasn't been putting enough effort in, and dr. schaefer has gotten to the point where she is more concerned with the floor being clean, than with labels being peer-reviewed and made, so the exhibit has gotten VERY behind.

personally, things have been rough for me, and it being this weekend, i was ready for a break-down, and was surprised when it didn't happen friday night, or saturday afternoon. however, during my drive back to my room from the museum, it happened. i wept.

i realized that i didn't have my usual weekend cry, because i have been so busy trying to please everyone before the semester ends, apply for a job, and prepare to move back to houston, all while i try to get the museum exhibit on any sort of road to progress.

on my drive home, i had enough time to actually think. and then my throat started to close up and my eyes started to well up.

today, i thought i might be okay. until i went to mass, and the priest starts off the first sunday of advent by saying, "looking back on the past year, if things are exactly the same as last year, something's very wrong." i had mixed feelings about his statement, because a year ago, things were definitely different for me. i was happy, in love, and looking forward to spending a very happy christmas thursday with my someone before heading home to houston. i can't believe how, a year later, things couldn't be more different for me. i'm alone and confused, and have no idea what direction i'm supposed to move in.

so, i thought about this throughout mass, and wept silently in my corner of the church. i thought about how much i wanted the past, and how i much i can't stand the term "full-circle."