so, my last entry was all about how i hoped my brother never ended up being denied things because of his past. well, i found out about five minutes ago that my brother took $40 out of my wallet. when i went to confront him, he got pissed. my mom talked to him, and, it turns out, he stole my money. what the hell? he gets mad at me for stealing my money?!! this happened last year too, but instead of $40, he pawned my high school ring, my guitar, my dvd player, my manual camera (with film still in it from the ethnobotany exhibit), and my prized possession: my shelf stereo complete with tape deck, cd player, and record player. and once, back during my days as a TAMUG student, he stole my tuition money from under my mattress. i'd been hiding it that night because i was going to get a cashier's check the next day to pay my tuition. that money was in excess of $3000.
he's always stealing. he's been stealing since he was in elementary school. i don't know what he does with the stuff and why he needs the money. he has a job, and wants to get his own place and save up for a down payment on a car. but, his checking account is always negative, and he's been reported to a credit bureau for failure to pay his only credit card. i'm sorry, but having bad credit and a negative checking account is not going to get you an apartment or a car.
tough love doesn't work. we did that last year, and my mom and i have too much of a heart to kick him to the curb in the cold when he doesn't have a job, cell phone, or car. he was on drugs, and my fear is that he'll slip up, do some PCP or whatever it is, go berzerk, and kill us all during the night. i know that's insane, but it's where my mind goes when this stuff happens. i know that it's only $40, but it's only $40 now. over the years, it adds up. and, yes, most of that stuff is material stuff, but that material stuff has memories. that stereo was a graduation gift from my favorite uncle, and we'd use it to listen to old folk records.
in september, we checked him into a drug treatment facility with a 30 day program. after their initial assessment and counseling session, the administrators believed that his condition and addiction was so bad that he wouldn't benefit from their 30 day program. they suggested that he enroll in their 7 month program. after looking around, my brother refused to stay. he didn't want to be around homeless people and junkies. he had to much pride to stay and get help, even though he told me he had a drug problem and wanted help (first step, right?). my dad refused to let him come home. they struck a deal that he would stay two weeks. all of us hoped that those two weeks would do something--anything--and he'd end up staying 30 days. wrong. he came back in 13 days, and got a checking account and a job, but now he's negative and hates his boss.
anyway, my brother comes into my room after my mom talks to/yells at him and apologizes. like that fixes everything. like that brings my $40 back. that apology isn't going to fill my gas tank, you know?
UGH. i just don't know what to do.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
catch a break...
i have the week off, so yesterday morning i went to the library at 9am, only to discover that the library didn't open until noon. so, i headed over to doublshots to waste some time, write some letters, and have a cup of coffee.
there was this guy who sat at one of the tables waiting. for a long time. finally, this large woman came and they made small talk before she started interviewing him for a job. she asked him where he's worked the longest, why he left that job, what his last title was, etc. and then she asked him about jail. apparently, he's been having a hard time finding a job since he left prision, because he was in prison. i didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it's not like people were whispering in the place. hell, i even know what the group of women on the OTHER side of the coffeeshop are going to do this weekend!
anyway, the guy was in prison for "hibernating." from what i could gather, he was aiding and abedding his cousin, so he ended up being arrested and thrown in jail. after what seemed like 45 minutes, of interviews and making calls, the woman told the guy that she coudln't help him by hiring him for a job with her company. i felt really bad for the guy. she apologized for wasting his time, and he thanked her for the opportunity, and said he would move on and go about trying to find something else. to console him, one of the baristas told him to make sure that he didn't give up. apparently the barista had a 10 year rap sheet, finally had a job, and was turning his life around.
i thought that was pretty nice. i just felt really bad for the guy going through the interview. i hope my brother never ends up in that kind of situation.
there was this guy who sat at one of the tables waiting. for a long time. finally, this large woman came and they made small talk before she started interviewing him for a job. she asked him where he's worked the longest, why he left that job, what his last title was, etc. and then she asked him about jail. apparently, he's been having a hard time finding a job since he left prision, because he was in prison. i didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it's not like people were whispering in the place. hell, i even know what the group of women on the OTHER side of the coffeeshop are going to do this weekend!
anyway, the guy was in prison for "hibernating." from what i could gather, he was aiding and abedding his cousin, so he ended up being arrested and thrown in jail. after what seemed like 45 minutes, of interviews and making calls, the woman told the guy that she coudln't help him by hiring him for a job with her company. i felt really bad for the guy. she apologized for wasting his time, and he thanked her for the opportunity, and said he would move on and go about trying to find something else. to console him, one of the baristas told him to make sure that he didn't give up. apparently the barista had a 10 year rap sheet, finally had a job, and was turning his life around.
i thought that was pretty nice. i just felt really bad for the guy going through the interview. i hope my brother never ends up in that kind of situation.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
WWEHGD? (What Would Elaine Heumann Gurian Do?)
i had an interview friday afternoon for a museum job i really wanted and i blew it.
i guess it's all for the best though, because i have a pretty good job right now and i like it. it's challenging in all the ways it should be, and i feel pretty engaged with the kids. i feel like i'm doing something meaningful and valuable; however, the job is temporary and without benefits. although i've been asked if i would be interested to return next fall when the program is expected to grow and branch out, come may, i'll be unemployed.
oh yeah, for those out of the loop, i'm no longer with HMNS. i now work as a reading tutor at an elementary school for the UT Health Science Center-Houston. all those years of being an aggie, and i now find myself working for damn longhorns. oh, well...it's not like i was hardcore and bled maroon anyway.
there are eight kids i tutor for a reading intervention program that uses the phono-grafix method. i have 4 first graders, 2 second graders, and 2 third graders, each reading below their grade level. this past week, i learned that kindergartners should be able to read 30 words a minute, and that during each grade thereafter, a student should add 30 more words a minute, meaning, theoretically, that by the time a student is ready for 6th grade, they should be able to read 180 words a minute. apparently, researchers have concluded that kids who don't have grade-level reading skills by the time they're in 3rd grade are highly likely to drop out of high school. i believe them. it helps explain my brother's repeating second grade and his subsequent dropping out of high school in his junior year.
the kids i tutor are cute, and each day i look forward to how the tutoring sessions will go and what crazy things will come out of their mouths. for example, one kid told me his aunt was sad because she miscarried a baby last week, and when i offered my condolences, he went on to explain miscarriage to me. let's just say he either has a vivid imagination or his aunt is a creature from outer space where things happen differently. another little boy i tutor is really cute. i like him because he's super-motivated and is proving to be my success story...he is sounding out words and trying to read by himself. he told me his favorite word is "bunny," which i think is the cutest thing. i sent him home recently with a 6-line story about a fat cat that sat on a variety of items and people, and told him to read the story for practice. the next day i asked if he read the story, and he said yes, that he'd read it like a newspaper while sitting on his toilet at home.
this past thursday, we did some reading fluency assessment tests as a baseline for measuring their progress until the end of the school year. my best student was a third grader who is able to read 112 words a minute. she is definitely on her way to better reading skills, i guess, but, to be honest, she's been pretty good at the activities thus far, so i don't quite understand why she's in the program in the first place. she's very smart and reads aloud well. the third grade boy she's partnered with, however, reads 39 words a minute. now the project coordinators are worried about him.
my lowest scorer is one first grade kid i look forward to seeing, just because he's a hoot. i like all of the kids for their own reasons, and this kid i like because he dresses and seems like an immature adult gangster in a child's body, that is in dire need of some growth hormone. some of the kindergartners are taller than this kid! he's this little ghetto thug o.g., with a ring on his index finger and a double-wrapped gold chain with a HUGE medallion with his name on it around his neck. he has a bit of an attitude and i get him, but the poor kid reads six words a minute. he actually "read" 11 words, but spelled most of them instead of reading them, so i had to count those as errors. now, after the assessments, the project coordinators will have to shuffle around and repair the kids, because, obviously it would be unfair to pair a kid who reads 112 words per minute with a kid who reads 39 words a minute. neither would be able to progress in a way most suited to them. my only fear now is that there will be some insecurity and self-esteem issues when a first grader loses his buddy or a third grader now finds himself paired with a first grader. how do you explain to a kid that his partner aces reading now, and that he sucks at it, which is why they can't be partners anymore? i'm already trying to think of reasons to tell the mini gangster why his partner is gone.
anyway, i always knew that the work involved with my new job would be imbued with meaning, but i honestly didn't realize how much these kids would need this program until i saw the results of the fluency tests.
it's not like this is "dangerous minds" or "freedom writers" here, but thinking about how something as simple as reading can make or break a kid's future makes me cheer up about screwing up on my interview today. if i did do well, and ended up scoring a second interview, and then the job, i would have had to make the decision about leaving the kids and a job i have grown to love. i'm sure that these kids will one day forget me, and it will be like i never existed in their lives, but, for me, right now, this is what i want to be doing (looking forward to going to work), and where (not physically "where," but, you know what i mean. hopefully) i want to be. unfortunately, it's just not in a museum. i don't know if i will ever feel this way about museum work, which is a scary thought, but i feel like i had to try my best at the interview and try to get a museum job. i mean, my entire higher educational life has been devoted to a museum career! i know i can't be a reading tutor my entire life, and that my goal is to have employment benefits in the near future, which is why i had to give the interview a shot.
i guess i'm just overthinking things and making desperate attempts to justify and explain my horrible interview skills this afternoon.
oh, by the way elaine heumann gurian is a museum professional i admire, and one of the people on the editorial staff of the leading american museum journal curator.
i guess it's all for the best though, because i have a pretty good job right now and i like it. it's challenging in all the ways it should be, and i feel pretty engaged with the kids. i feel like i'm doing something meaningful and valuable; however, the job is temporary and without benefits. although i've been asked if i would be interested to return next fall when the program is expected to grow and branch out, come may, i'll be unemployed.
oh yeah, for those out of the loop, i'm no longer with HMNS. i now work as a reading tutor at an elementary school for the UT Health Science Center-Houston. all those years of being an aggie, and i now find myself working for damn longhorns. oh, well...it's not like i was hardcore and bled maroon anyway.
there are eight kids i tutor for a reading intervention program that uses the phono-grafix method. i have 4 first graders, 2 second graders, and 2 third graders, each reading below their grade level. this past week, i learned that kindergartners should be able to read 30 words a minute, and that during each grade thereafter, a student should add 30 more words a minute, meaning, theoretically, that by the time a student is ready for 6th grade, they should be able to read 180 words a minute. apparently, researchers have concluded that kids who don't have grade-level reading skills by the time they're in 3rd grade are highly likely to drop out of high school. i believe them. it helps explain my brother's repeating second grade and his subsequent dropping out of high school in his junior year.
the kids i tutor are cute, and each day i look forward to how the tutoring sessions will go and what crazy things will come out of their mouths. for example, one kid told me his aunt was sad because she miscarried a baby last week, and when i offered my condolences, he went on to explain miscarriage to me. let's just say he either has a vivid imagination or his aunt is a creature from outer space where things happen differently. another little boy i tutor is really cute. i like him because he's super-motivated and is proving to be my success story...he is sounding out words and trying to read by himself. he told me his favorite word is "bunny," which i think is the cutest thing. i sent him home recently with a 6-line story about a fat cat that sat on a variety of items and people, and told him to read the story for practice. the next day i asked if he read the story, and he said yes, that he'd read it like a newspaper while sitting on his toilet at home.
this past thursday, we did some reading fluency assessment tests as a baseline for measuring their progress until the end of the school year. my best student was a third grader who is able to read 112 words a minute. she is definitely on her way to better reading skills, i guess, but, to be honest, she's been pretty good at the activities thus far, so i don't quite understand why she's in the program in the first place. she's very smart and reads aloud well. the third grade boy she's partnered with, however, reads 39 words a minute. now the project coordinators are worried about him.
my lowest scorer is one first grade kid i look forward to seeing, just because he's a hoot. i like all of the kids for their own reasons, and this kid i like because he dresses and seems like an immature adult gangster in a child's body, that is in dire need of some growth hormone. some of the kindergartners are taller than this kid! he's this little ghetto thug o.g., with a ring on his index finger and a double-wrapped gold chain with a HUGE medallion with his name on it around his neck. he has a bit of an attitude and i get him, but the poor kid reads six words a minute. he actually "read" 11 words, but spelled most of them instead of reading them, so i had to count those as errors. now, after the assessments, the project coordinators will have to shuffle around and repair the kids, because, obviously it would be unfair to pair a kid who reads 112 words per minute with a kid who reads 39 words a minute. neither would be able to progress in a way most suited to them. my only fear now is that there will be some insecurity and self-esteem issues when a first grader loses his buddy or a third grader now finds himself paired with a first grader. how do you explain to a kid that his partner aces reading now, and that he sucks at it, which is why they can't be partners anymore? i'm already trying to think of reasons to tell the mini gangster why his partner is gone.
anyway, i always knew that the work involved with my new job would be imbued with meaning, but i honestly didn't realize how much these kids would need this program until i saw the results of the fluency tests.
it's not like this is "dangerous minds" or "freedom writers" here, but thinking about how something as simple as reading can make or break a kid's future makes me cheer up about screwing up on my interview today. if i did do well, and ended up scoring a second interview, and then the job, i would have had to make the decision about leaving the kids and a job i have grown to love. i'm sure that these kids will one day forget me, and it will be like i never existed in their lives, but, for me, right now, this is what i want to be doing (looking forward to going to work), and where (not physically "where," but, you know what i mean. hopefully) i want to be. unfortunately, it's just not in a museum. i don't know if i will ever feel this way about museum work, which is a scary thought, but i feel like i had to try my best at the interview and try to get a museum job. i mean, my entire higher educational life has been devoted to a museum career! i know i can't be a reading tutor my entire life, and that my goal is to have employment benefits in the near future, which is why i had to give the interview a shot.
i guess i'm just overthinking things and making desperate attempts to justify and explain my horrible interview skills this afternoon.
oh, by the way elaine heumann gurian is a museum professional i admire, and one of the people on the editorial staff of the leading american museum journal curator.
Friday, November 16, 2007
raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...
Oprah Winfrey has nothing on me...
these are a few of my favorite things:
NPR's Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me radio program
NPR on Saturdays (starting at 9am with Car Talk, followed by these back to back programs: Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, Says You, World of Opera, All Things Considered, and A Prarie Home Companion)
Podcasts...especially Diggnation, This Week in Tech, and Brain Food
Diners
Chico in the Fall
A Diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic
The ice at Sonic
The Alamo Drafthouse
Tacos
The TV show House (and anything having to do with Hugh Laurie)
The sound made when I type on my laptop
Listening to music in my car
Films by Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Ang Lee, and Cameron Crowe
My pillow from the Club Quarters (a sophisticated hotel) in San Francisco
Writing letters and sending postcards
Wind
Driving around when it's cold outside, with my windows down
Going to see a Houston Ballet performance
Unexpected phone calls from someone I like
Films and TV shows where Justin Kirk plays one of the featured characters
Being able to download current episodes of Weeds the day after they air...especially since I don't have Showtime
Azureus
Anything pertaining to Charles Schulz's Peanuts
Reading books for leisure
My leather bound journal
Walgreens Apothecary lip balm
Walgreens
Target
Sweater Weather...especially when it's bright and sunny, but freezing at the same time
Low-top Converse sneakers
Men's Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs
Vince Guaraldi's music for all the Peanuts/Charlie Brown cartoons
My worn-in kids shearling boots from Costco (ca. 2005)
Volkswagen Touaregs
Movie soundtracks/scores
Printed socks, especially if the print is bizarre or crazy
The look and feel of Apple products
XM Satellite Radio...especially channel 28, OnBroadway
The Office
Laughter
Gene Kelly's films...they make me happy
Comedy CDs
Sara Lee Pumpkin Pie
C.O. Bigelow Mentha Body Wash
Sunsilk shampoo packets from the Philippines
Bedroom slippers and fleece pajamas
Oroweat 12 Grain wheat bread
Printed t-shirts from Threadless.com
Getting through a difficult part of a game on my Nintendo DS
Being five years old
Microsoft Excel
Archer Farms Monster Trail Mix
Kraft Caramels
Starbucks' seasonal coffee choices (Peppermint Mochas, Gingerbread Lattes, Pumpkin Spice Lattes...)
Brand-new Papermate felt tip pens or the discontinued Uniball Vision Exact pens
Blueprint Magazine
The whimsy of Pushing Daisies
American Apparel and Alternative Apparel plain tees
Sitting in the pit of a live John Mayer concert
Old-school Disney movies à la Winnie the Pooh or Sleeping Beauty
Steve Carell
Getting into a book written by Nick Hornby or Mike Gayle
Thursday night televsion
Project Runway
My current job
And last, but certainly not least, this film trailer:
these are a few of my favorite things:
NPR's Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me radio program
NPR on Saturdays (starting at 9am with Car Talk, followed by these back to back programs: Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, Says You, World of Opera, All Things Considered, and A Prarie Home Companion)
Podcasts...especially Diggnation, This Week in Tech, and Brain Food
Diners
Chico in the Fall
A Diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic
The ice at Sonic
The Alamo Drafthouse
Tacos
The TV show House (and anything having to do with Hugh Laurie)
The sound made when I type on my laptop
Listening to music in my car
Films by Wes Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Ang Lee, and Cameron Crowe
My pillow from the Club Quarters (a sophisticated hotel) in San Francisco
Writing letters and sending postcards
Wind
Driving around when it's cold outside, with my windows down
Going to see a Houston Ballet performance
Unexpected phone calls from someone I like
Films and TV shows where Justin Kirk plays one of the featured characters
Being able to download current episodes of Weeds the day after they air...especially since I don't have Showtime
Azureus
Anything pertaining to Charles Schulz's Peanuts
Reading books for leisure
My leather bound journal
Walgreens Apothecary lip balm
Walgreens
Target
Sweater Weather...especially when it's bright and sunny, but freezing at the same time
Low-top Converse sneakers
Men's Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs
Vince Guaraldi's music for all the Peanuts/Charlie Brown cartoons
My worn-in kids shearling boots from Costco (ca. 2005)
Volkswagen Touaregs
Movie soundtracks/scores
Printed socks, especially if the print is bizarre or crazy
The look and feel of Apple products
XM Satellite Radio...especially channel 28, OnBroadway
The Office
Laughter
Gene Kelly's films...they make me happy
Comedy CDs
Sara Lee Pumpkin Pie
C.O. Bigelow Mentha Body Wash
Sunsilk shampoo packets from the Philippines
Bedroom slippers and fleece pajamas
Oroweat 12 Grain wheat bread
Printed t-shirts from Threadless.com
Getting through a difficult part of a game on my Nintendo DS
Being five years old
Microsoft Excel
Archer Farms Monster Trail Mix
Kraft Caramels
Starbucks' seasonal coffee choices (Peppermint Mochas, Gingerbread Lattes, Pumpkin Spice Lattes...)
Brand-new Papermate felt tip pens or the discontinued Uniball Vision Exact pens
Blueprint Magazine
The whimsy of Pushing Daisies
American Apparel and Alternative Apparel plain tees
Sitting in the pit of a live John Mayer concert
Old-school Disney movies à la Winnie the Pooh or Sleeping Beauty
Steve Carell
Getting into a book written by Nick Hornby or Mike Gayle
Thursday night televsion
Project Runway
My current job
And last, but certainly not least, this film trailer:
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