birthday eve...

tomorrow is my birthday, and, this morning, i got the only thing i really wanted...a phone call. from someone i think about everyday, but am separated from (hopefully just through geographical distance).

i'd been wishing for the call all month long, and was very surprised to get it this morning right before i started at work. it was a lovely conversation, put a smile on my face, and got me through the day. i loved every minute of the conversation, especially the part when i was asked to call when i got home from work. that ALSO got me through the day.

anyway, i still haven't commented on the new year. 2006 ended poorly. 2007 was pretty lonely. i don't know what's in store for 2008, since i just go with the flow, or whatever. i don't usually make things happen...i just hope and try to put good vibes out there. but, this year, i actually have a chance to make something happen, that "something" being an M.A. placed in my hand. if only i could get the damn thesis done!

i had every intention of being done on the 1st. however, in my defense, and this may blow up in my face, i tend to do my best work at the last minute. something about the stress bring me clarity, and i get focused. tonight, for example, i added a few things to my fourth chapter (which has ballooned to 63 pages, so i may have to add 25 more pages to my estimated total) that i'd been wracking my brain about. i can't rush it, but i know i have to get the ball rolling before i start getting nasty emails from dr. fox...not that she's capable of nasty emails, but i don't want nasty thoughts or something. i fully intend to be done with a first draft this sunday, so i can mail it on monday. that way, dr. fox will have a full week and a half to two weeks to look over it before her new semester starts (jan. 28). i'd send her the garbage i have, but i want to give it a little flair and polish, just so she can identify some possibility for my having taken so long.

on a different note, i've been heavily listening to four songs on repeat all day:
Remember to Breathe, by dashboard confessional
a live version of When You were Young that the killers played at the mtv video music awards one year
a live and acoustic version of Chocolate by snow patrol, from some performance known as "live and acoustic at park avenue"
November, by azure ray, which i think was on an episode of grey's anatomy or something

Remember to Breathe: She fixes her lips/They always look perfect/Never a smudge line,never too much/I try on my blue shirt/She told me she liked it...once/She wonders what I'll wear/She knows just what she'll wear/She always wears blue/So sneakers or flip-flops?/I'm starting to panic, wait wait/Remember she asked you/Remember to breathe/And everything will be okay/Okay/Okay/Alright/Alright/Alright/ Alright/Alright.../Okay./

When You were Young:You sit there in your heartache/Waiting on some beautiful boy to/To save you from your old ways/You play forgiveness/Watch it now/Here he comes/He doesn't look a thing like Jesus/But he talks like a gentleman/Like you imagined/When you were young/Can we climb this mountain/I don't know/Higher now than ever before/I know we can make it if we take it slow/Let's take it easy/Easy now/Watch it go/We're burning down the highway skyline/On the back of a hurricane/That started turning/When you were young/When you were young/And sometimes you close your eyes/And see the place where you used to live/When you were young/They say the devil's water/It ain't so sweet/You don't have to drink right now/But you can dip your feet/Every once in a little while/You sit there in your heartache/Waiting on some beautiful boy to/To save you from your old ways/You play forgiveness/Watch it now/Here he comes/He doesn't look a thing like Jesus/But he talks like a gentleman/Like you imagined/When you were young/Ttalks like a gentleman/Like you imagined/When you were young/I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus/He doesn't look a thing like Jesus/But more than you'll ever know/

Chocolate:This could be the very minute/I'm aware I'm alive/All these places feel like home/With a name I'd never chosen/I can make my first steps/As a child of 25/This is the straw, final straw in the/Roof of my mouth falls as I lie to you/Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean/I didn't enjoy it at the time/You're the only thing that I love/It scares me more every day/On my knees I think clearer/Goodness knows I saw it coming/Or at least I'll claim I did/But in truth I'm lost for words/What have I done it's too late for that/What have I become, truth is nothing yet/A simple mistake starts the hardest time/I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time/

November:So I'm waiting for this test to end/So these lighter days can soon begin/I'll be alone but maybe more carefree/Like a kite that floats so effortlessly/I was afraid to be alone/Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be/All these faces none the same/How can there be so many personalities/So many lifeless empty hands/So many hearts in great demand/And now my sorrow seems so far away/Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain/But I turn them off and tuck them away 'till these rainy days that make them stay/And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs/And the words still ring, once here now gone/And they echo through my head everyday/And I dont think they'll ever go away/Just like thinking of your childhood home/But we cant go back we're on our own/Oh,but i'm about to give this one more/Shot/And find it in myself/I'll find it in myself/So were speeding towards that time of year/To the day that marks that you're not here/And i think I'll want to be alone/So please understand if I dont answer the phone/I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls/Until I can see nothing at all/Only particles some fast some slow/All my eyes can see is all I know/Ohh.../But I'm about to give this one more shot/And find it in myself/I'll find it in myself/


there's something about the lyrics, the music, the way the songs are performed...i don't know. i've just been in love with all of it today.