freedom...

so, a week ago, i mailed my thesis to dr. fox.

it's weird. for the past five years, i have done nothing but think about doing a thesis. this is the first time in a LONG time that i haven't had to do any major thinking about it. for the past seven days, i haven't had to come home and write anything. wow.

in the end, the thesis was 193 pages (103 pages of text and 90 pages of references and appendices). i'm sure, after rewrites, the thesis won't grow to more than five extra pages. however, after formatting and binding, the thing may end up being anywhere between 250 and 300 pages. i've never actually looked for the biggest thesis in the university library, so i have no idea how the graduate school will handle my massive tome. hopefully i won't be chastized for it.

but, anyway, i'm proud of what i've written. five years of classes, internships, and work all culminating in this one paper. the biggest moment of my life...so far. the other day, i talked to my favorite uncle, and proudly told him i finished. i expected congratulations or something, but, instead, i got the following response: "now you can get married."

what? are you kidding me?

i really feel like i'm being ostrasized by my family for having pursued academics, and not a husband. it's not like i purposely wanted to put a personal/romantic life on the backburner to learn more and increase my brainpower. i went into a grad program because my BA was useless. no one knew what the hell maritime studies was, and even the university couldn't tell me what i could do with the piece of paper they gave me. rather than sit around and be depressed and blame the school for my inability to get a job, i decided to go to grad school. bottom line: i went to grad school so i could get a job and become a functioning contributor to the GDP.

for family members to reduce my decision down to a method of putting off getting married is just maddening to me. because i don't want to be alone. i want to be in love. i want to have my own family. i just want to also be a full person who is not reliant on someone else for financial support and an identity. i want to contribute to the world.