the more things change...

so, i am back in chico for my defense. it's slightly depressing, yet also somewhat comforting being back in this town.

it's depressing because i remember when i was happy here. now it seems pretty lonely. things have changed here, and they've changed without me knowing. i feel slightly disconnected from this place, even though it's been a big part of the last four and a half years of my life.

roaming around this place, i haven't seen anyone familiar. it's strange. everyone seems new, things seem new, and no one knows who i am. i didn't leave my mark. i am inconsequential.

it's comforting to know that i know this place--what it really is, where it really is. i was able to drive here from the sacramento airport on autopilot. i got here without really thinking, "how do i get there?" it took me a little under two hours.

as i passed the "welcome to chico" sign, i was still on autopilot. i was able to turn where i needed to turn, and i ended up right where i needed to me. on esplanade. i feel like i know my way around chico more than i do houston.


the first place i hit up was trader joe's for something to eat. trader joe's is a cool little grocery store that is sort of like a whole foods, without being trendy. the prices are reasonable, and the food is awesome. the servings aren't big, but it's not like you need another helping after you finish what's on/in your plate/bowl/container.



i bought two salads, some BBQ chicken pinwheels, a loaf of cranberry pumpkin bread, some iced tea lemonade, dark chocolate covered raisins, and a strawberry yogurt parfait. all trader joe's brand. before your eyes bug out, i plan on eating this stuff over the course of a few days. except tonight. tonight i plan to go to celestino's--a pizza place right on the edge of campus--for a slice of the best pizza ever, a slice of godfather. the godfather pizza is made with pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, and a type of cheese i always forget the name of. the pizza looks a bit weird, but it's good. i'll take a picture of it later.

my defense is on tuesday. i just keep telling myself that: dr. fox and dr. schaefer are on my side. they wouldn't have me defend if i weren't ready. the defense is an initiation, a rite of passage. a formality. they won't deny me my degree. i will get it, and i WILL graduate. i will be proud of myself, as i did this entire M.A. thing my own. i made a life for myself here. i got the jobs here, found love here, found my own family of friends here. i found myself here.

here's to tuesday...hope everything goes right.