yeah, so the depression is still there.
i'm getting slightly irritated by work. basically, i go for the kids. there's no judgment there, because i'm old enough to command respect, but young enough to be able to relate to them. they enjoy my company, and getting a bit of learning done in the process is just a bonus. or so they tell me.
anyway, so, i feel that because i'm not rejoining the program in june and during the next school year, no one talks to me. my supervisor vickie, and the other tutors wes and eva, seem to have their own little clique going on, and i am not welcomed into their conversations. oh, and vickie is pregnant (again) and hates that the last pair of kids i tutor clean the dry erase boards with clorox wipes when they're finished for the day. apparently the smell makes her nauseous. i can understand that. sometimes i get sick from it too, but the smell goes away, and the kids like that they're helping me out. i welcome it, but i don't force them to do it. i just tell them that time's up, and they start putting everything away and cleaning up on their own. i don't know...i'm kind of pissed with vickie, because, rather than tell me she's pregnant and ask me to cease having the kids clean until she leaves the room, she whispers to wes and then gags and is overly dramatic about the smell and leaving the room. i don't understand why she just didn't say something the first time she felt sick. why let it continue and fester unless your intention is to alienate someone? i don't get it. perhaps i'm reading too much into things. whatever.
i don't think that i'm an unreasonable person, nor do i think i constructive criticism would drive me to suicide. i believe that, due to hypodescent and being raised predominantly as asian, i'm easy to talk to. so, what the hell? like i knew she was pregnant? i can't read minds, and i sure as hell am NOT going to assume someone is pregnant or not based on a little bit of a pudgy belly. she just had a baby in august! how the hell was i supposed to know that she was pregnant again?
for some reason, even vickie being pregnant again irritates me. that, coupled with the discovery that my 19 year old cousin secretly had a baby last sunday irritates me. it's just another slap in the face reminding me that i apparently repel men, have withering insides, and am destined to be alone. ugh.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
well, hey there, depression! i remember you!
so, i've been back in houston for about four days, and depression has hit. i thought that after acquiring my M.A., i'd be less melancholy, but, it turns out, the high i was experiencing from being freed of the thesis burden has disappeared.
in chico, it seemed like everyone understood and recognized my accomplishment. that was some tough shit i put myself through, and it was a big damn deal to survive. i have never felt that anyone i know or am related to got it. i've talked about this issue with dr. schaefer, dr. fox, adrienne, heather, and melanie, and it seems that the consensus is thus: only people in academics understand the strength it takes to go through the grad school process, and only people in academics understand the congratulations that are in store for people who go through a thesis and defense.
wonderful.
now that i am in houston, no one cares. the people i work with, my family, friends...i'm so invisible that no one acts like i even left. the only person who has been at all supportive and understanding of my decision and difficulties has been my aunt grace, who i am not even that close to. she got an M.A. in literature or english, and she's the only person who sent me christmas and birthday checks because she knew i needed the money, and, today, she congratulated me by sending me two dozen roses via proflowers.com. i am grateful for the acknowledgement, but i honestly wish that people i thought i was close to would do the same thing. i got emails from various people across the nation, but only because i sent them emails letting them know about my day. if i hadn't done that, again, no one would have even known, because, again, i am invisible to all those who should matter in my life. it is quite frustrating, especially when you consider that if it were something related to a guy or a baby, then i would be recognized.
anyway...
so, to cheer myself up, i tried to get in touch with my old self--the self who would go to music stores and buy cds of random people she doesn't even know. so, i walked out of best buy with the below cds; however, with the advent of amazon and itunes, i'm able to "sample" tunes and read reviews before ripping off the plastic wrap. before, i used to be stuck with a crap cd because i would never really know if the nice cd artwork was indicative of good music. or, at least, music i would like.
tapes n' tapes-walk it off
the hush sound-goodbye blues
fields-everything last winter
marie digby-unfold
spoon-gimmie fiction
jeremy fisher-goodbye blue monday
yeah, so, i walked into best buy to pick up a cd by oren lavie, but they didn't have it, so i decided to get the spoon cd. i was intrigued by the "hear 'em first" and new release section, so i looked at those and grabbed the tapes n' tapes (who i have heard of, but have never heard their stuff) and marie digby cds. after sampling music on itunes, i may return tapes n' tapes, the hush sound, and fields. i still have to do more research before i make a final decision. well, i'm definitely returning tapes n' tapes. despite the hype, i think they suck. it's not my music. i'm into less raw, garage band-quality sound. it seemed really gritty, like they recorded the music with a cassette player. whatever. what the hell do i know? i just know that it's $8, and i kinda want my money back. at the moment, i'm not in the mood for tapes n' tapes. i don't want to rock out. i just want to curl up in a ball or smile.
in chico, it seemed like everyone understood and recognized my accomplishment. that was some tough shit i put myself through, and it was a big damn deal to survive. i have never felt that anyone i know or am related to got it. i've talked about this issue with dr. schaefer, dr. fox, adrienne, heather, and melanie, and it seems that the consensus is thus: only people in academics understand the strength it takes to go through the grad school process, and only people in academics understand the congratulations that are in store for people who go through a thesis and defense.
wonderful.
now that i am in houston, no one cares. the people i work with, my family, friends...i'm so invisible that no one acts like i even left. the only person who has been at all supportive and understanding of my decision and difficulties has been my aunt grace, who i am not even that close to. she got an M.A. in literature or english, and she's the only person who sent me christmas and birthday checks because she knew i needed the money, and, today, she congratulated me by sending me two dozen roses via proflowers.com. i am grateful for the acknowledgement, but i honestly wish that people i thought i was close to would do the same thing. i got emails from various people across the nation, but only because i sent them emails letting them know about my day. if i hadn't done that, again, no one would have even known, because, again, i am invisible to all those who should matter in my life. it is quite frustrating, especially when you consider that if it were something related to a guy or a baby, then i would be recognized.
anyway...
so, to cheer myself up, i tried to get in touch with my old self--the self who would go to music stores and buy cds of random people she doesn't even know. so, i walked out of best buy with the below cds; however, with the advent of amazon and itunes, i'm able to "sample" tunes and read reviews before ripping off the plastic wrap. before, i used to be stuck with a crap cd because i would never really know if the nice cd artwork was indicative of good music. or, at least, music i would like.
tapes n' tapes-walk it off
the hush sound-goodbye blues
fields-everything last winter
marie digby-unfold
spoon-gimmie fiction
jeremy fisher-goodbye blue monday
yeah, so, i walked into best buy to pick up a cd by oren lavie, but they didn't have it, so i decided to get the spoon cd. i was intrigued by the "hear 'em first" and new release section, so i looked at those and grabbed the tapes n' tapes (who i have heard of, but have never heard their stuff) and marie digby cds. after sampling music on itunes, i may return tapes n' tapes, the hush sound, and fields. i still have to do more research before i make a final decision. well, i'm definitely returning tapes n' tapes. despite the hype, i think they suck. it's not my music. i'm into less raw, garage band-quality sound. it seemed really gritty, like they recorded the music with a cassette player. whatever. what the hell do i know? i just know that it's $8, and i kinda want my money back. at the moment, i'm not in the mood for tapes n' tapes. i don't want to rock out. i just want to curl up in a ball or smile.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
i'm back...
prepare yourself for a LONG entry...
i got back to houston on sunday night. but before i discuss that, i must mention a little friday/saturday side trip i took to one of california's coastal communities: fort bragg.
not to be confused with the military base of the same name in north carolina, fort bragg is a small town that can be found four hours west of chico. although only 106.1 miles from the chico motel i stayed at, one finds themselves in fort bragg after several hours of winding one lane roads through mountainous areas and a thick forest known as mendocino national forest. now, because i am from texas, and used to national forests being a somewhat barricaded area a la the sequoias and yosemite, which are technically national parks, i was met with some very strange looks and rolled eyes when i asked a group of people native to "the bragg," "how far is the mendocino national forest?" they thought i was retarded, because, unbeknownst to me, i drove through the frikkin' forest to get to fort bragg. hell, i didn't know! i was assuming that should the stupid forest manifest itself in front of me, that i would be greeted with a huge sign or placard stating, YOU ARE HERE: THE MENDOCINO NATIONAL FOREST. BE KIND TO WOODLAND CREATURES. PS. HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T GET CAR SICK OR SCARED OF POTENTIALLY DRIVING OFF CLIFFS!
seriously, i thought there would be more pride in or publicizing of the forest. maybe there wasn't, because, you know, yosemite and the sequoias take up all the glory.
anyway, so the purpose of my trip was to visit my friend jodi, who was not only one of my classmates once (conservation), but also one of my students when i TAed the exhibit installation class for the maidu exhibit. her birthday was on april 4th, so, after meeting dr. schaefer, who suggested it would be good to visit jodi (and also echoed jodi's sentiment that "the coast is lovely this time of year") that afternoon for lunch, i thought i would drive the 106.1 miles to see her. being from texas, where everyone drives about 10 miles over the speed limit, i thought the trip was doable. 106.1 miles divided by 77 miles an hour...i assumed i would be in fort bragg in a little over two hours. yeah right! it wasn't until i got to CA-20 that i realized i might have my next birthday before i got to fort bragg.
now, four hours...in my mind, that's like houston to san antonio, and you're pretty much driving anywhere between 77 and 80 the whole time. keeping that in mind, i guess the drive wouldn't have been so bad if the roads weren't ONE LANE to share with semis filled with safeway products, bulldozers, and grandmas driving cadillacs. oh, and a portion of 20 right after you get to some hills off of I-5, well, it's under construction or something, so that slows you down too. the snail's pace speed limit and the twisty roads don't help much either. if i hadn't already sworn up and down to jodi that i was going to see her on her birthday (and if i hadn't hyped up my gift to her...a dvd that, it turns out, she'd already seen!!!), i would have just said, "oh, how scenic. that's nice," then taken a few pictures of the hills, turned the car around, and headed back to chico. some friend i am, huh?
well, as i drove through lucerne (the switzerland of america! no joke, that's what the welcome sign read), the thermometer in the car started to dip down. when i left chico, it was about 74 degrees (it warmed up about 20 degrees throughout the days i spent in chico. i landed in california and it was 51. when i left for houston, it was about 73). well, due to, i guess, the proximity to the water, the temperature started dropping. when i hit the town of willits (gateway to the redwoods, and 33 miles to fort bragg), the thermometer read 59. in fort bragg, it read 47. i usually love cold weather, but only when i'm prepared for it. when i prance around god knows where in 47 degree weather with chilling winds and only a hoodie for warmth, i hate it.
the road from willits to fort bragg was hell. my palms were so sweaty by the time i discovered fort bragg, because i was gripping the steering wheel so hard, due to my fear on the mountains that i was going to drive off a cliff, or be rammed into by oncoming traffic. and, to make matters worse, i didn't so much as care about getting into a car accident than i did about getting into a wreck while driving a rental car. oh yeah, but i was to blame for any accrued accidents, because, yet again, i engaged in dangerous activity...there i was, scared of driving the rental car off a cliff, yet taking pictures of the forest and road with my digital camera and cell phone. you see, despite being terrified of the drive, i practically sacrificed my life to capture and fit the beauty of the forest into a picture frame. example:
anyway, fort bragg is nice. it reminded me of galveston, only the water was more beautiful, as it was blue and not the dumping ground for the mississippi river, and there seemed to be more to the local culture. you know, artisans and such who are into creating a local scene, rather than integrating starbucks and mcdonald's into the happening places to be.
luckily, jodi didn't have to work, so, as soon as i got to town, she and her family invited me to an italian dinner at a place called d'aurellio's. it was nice, but it seemed a bit strange for a portuguese woman to be running an "authentic" italian restaurant. whatever. the food was good, and the portions were BIG.
after dinner, jodi and her dad wanted to peruse some local art galleries during an event called "first friday," which is locally known as the first friday of the new season when the galleries change their featured works. i liked the stuff. none of it seemed smug, insane, or unaffordable. one of the reasons why i don't go on similar outings in houston, is because you walk into a local gallery, look at photos or reproductions of works by local artists, and you discover that the one piece you like is $1000!!! how in the hell am i supposed to support the local houstonian art scene when i have to pay $1000 for something that is either the size of a pinhead, or not even the real piece? and all those starving artist sales and shit i see commercials for on tv...all that stuff looks like i could go to garden ridge or michael's to buy. $1000. ridiculous and so unjustified. very unreasonable.
by the time jodi, her dad (who i adore, by the way...he seems like a humble, modest man, who is content with his life. he doesn't complain about anything. he was such a kind person, who you can tell has led an interesting life.), and myself got back to her house (oh, jodi lives with her parents and sister again), it was about 10pm, and, according to her mom, "time for jodi to go out." lovely. i knew that it was her birthday and all, but i honestly was under the impression that her birthday would be celebrated with dinner with her family. that's how it happens at my house. but no. jodi wanted to go out. to a pub. and a bar. ugh. she asked me if i wanted to stay at her house, and i told her i did. i wasn't kidding. i wanted to stay home with her parents and watch dateline NBC on tv, lay on the couch, and sleep. i wanted to be an old person! after driving four hours and facing the bitter cold of the coast, i was exhausted. but, i think she thought i was being cute, because plans were made for her friend alison to come over and hatch a saturday night birthday plan. apparently, they'd been celebrating jodi's borthday all week, and, being the last day of the week, they wanted to savor all 24 hours of jodi's actual birth day. they decided to head over to a pub called patterson's, and another bar called dick's.
while jodi and i waited for alison, we colored one of those velvet kiddie pictures of dora the explorer dressed like a pirate, proclaiming "explore the high seas!" in both english and spanish. i should have taken a picture of it. anyway, alison showed up about an hour later, and there was some debate as to who should drive everyone. i was involuntarily assigned designated driver status, but being exhausted, on texas time, and unfamiliar with the area, i did not want to be responsible for driving around drunk people in the dead of night (why did it seem like there were no lights in fort bragg?). i'm so selfish and horrible. in my exhaustion and being forced to go out, i didn't care if i lived or died, or if anyone else did for that matter. but really, i hate when the local californians make the visiting texan drive. my roommates in chico did it, and, it appeared that jodi and alison were fond of that game too.
alison didn't seem too pissed to have to drive...i'm not sure if it's because she wanted to get going and get her drink on, or if she really did prefer to drive. well, before hitting the pub, the car had to swing by dave's house to pick up dave, who looked like a nice, young version of kevin smith, although, i don't know if the tape at the bridge of his glasses was an emo fashion statement, or really holding his glasses together. not that it looked bad. i actually didn't realize there was black duct tape on his glasses until three hours into the night. anyway, the first place we stopped at after picking up dave was patterson's pub in mendocino, which, i guess is the town right next to fort bragg.
patterson's is a pretty cool little place. really nice on the outside, and, in addition to the bar, had popcorn, a water cooler, and free internet on the inside. i guess they take care of sober people there too. the place was about to close (12am), so jodi, dave, and alison just made last call. they bought drinks, and we settled down under a moose head that adorned the wall. i left my camera in the rental car, so the only photo i have here is from the internet:
anyway, it was a cool pub, because it was in a house. i was impressed, because i haven't seen anything like that in houston before. two guys named cort, and something else, came in right when the pub was shutting down. they knew jodi and her posse, and sat down next to our table. they asked what everyone's plans were for the night, and i desperately tried to send everyone vibes to say, "nothing. just heading home after this." i thought my plan was working when cort said, "dick's is dead." sweet! back to jodi's house!
nope. wrong! after finishing their alcohol, and saying bye to cort plus one, who were headed home, we did go to dick's. and it wasn't dead.
(photo from the internet...when i saw dick's for the first time, it was pitch dark outside)
for some reason, despite the cold, we spent the first 15 minutes standing outside watching some man both verbally abuse and praise his bull mastiff. dave smoked. a drunk guy acted like a third grader with jodi, and wanted to know why she wasn't wearing her "swoncho" (apparently, they knew each other). alison bummed a cigarette off of a man who then offered me a "cowboy killer" too. i was just freezing and tried to make small talk and not seem like a killjoy.
thankfully, alison got cold, and i followed her inside. jodi and dave followed. they ordered alcohol again, and we sat at a table, watching the "local color." after some chit chat, dave announced that he needed to get to an atm. since dick's didn't operate with a tab system, dave needed cash. everyone got up, and jodi told me to come along on their "errand." if only the fort bragg definition of errand meant "going to the post office." hell no. it meant "find a bench outside to smoke weed." yep, my second encounter with californians and their drugs.
alison pulled out an altoid tin, and from the tin came a compacted ziploc bag with herb in it. fun. jodi's contribution to this event was a pipe. yay! alison packed the pipe, lit it, took a hit, then passed it to jodi, who then passed it to dave, who then passed it to me. i was freezing, had my hands stuffed into the pocket of my hoodie, and didn't even reach for the pipe to pass to alison, who was sitting next to me, when i said, "i'm good, thanks." i just wanted them to find this damn atm so we could go inside. i wasn't pissed that they were doing drugs behind the bar. i wasn't even pissed that they lied to me and called their drug use and errand. i was just pissed that i was freezing and now had to spend at least the next 15-30 minutes outside on some random street in downtown mendocino. we weren't even hiding! luckily, the wind made it hard for the smoke to draw attention to us.
after taking two hits each, everyone considered their need for recreational drugs fulfilled, and they started walking to an atm, whereever it was. i followed, but then we passed a place called the kelly house (a historic home). jodi exclaimed that only i would appreciate the home as a museum studies person interested in cultural heritage preservation and collection, so she told dave and alison to go to the atm while she gave me a tour of the house. jodi proceeded to go on a rather amusing rant about the significance of the place, their cold storage facility, and why she might never be able to leave her roots. it was another side to her i thought i would never see. she was clearly stoned, but i completely understood what she meant about the house and her county. luckily, dave and alison came back 15 minutes later, because i honestly thought that in her drug-induced stupor, jodi was going to break into the place, and i would then have an arrest on my permanent record.
once we stepped foot back into dick's, jodi and alison went to the bathroom and pulled me in. they then laughed and giggled about how the marijuana was really strong. their eyes were bloodshot, and alison took out a bottle of what can only be described as windex out of her tiny purse, and proceeded to douse herself to rid her body and clothes of the scent of pot. apparently, her parents would kill her if they smelled anything other than cigarettes in the car.
alison got a bottle of water from the bar, and we went outside again, so she could sober up. i guess their high was dissipating, because all of a sudden they seemed depressed. dave went out for a smoke, and a line of four children (seriously, they couldn't have been older than 13) tried to get into the back door of the bar. it was funny, because they were trying to be smooth by greeting us a good evening and everything. they didn't get in. to make small talk, i started telling everyone about an episode of "it's always sunny in philadelphia," where the bar owners on the show discover that everyone at their bar is underage, with a fake id. my retelling of the episode got a laugh out of alison and jodi, but i'm not sure if they were still high or what.
the bartender then came out of the back door, saw me, and said, "i know everyone here, but i don't know you. are you 21? i'm only asking, because the cops just drove past." i nodded and handed him my id, which i'd had in my hoodie pocket since patterson's. he was impressed with my preparedness, but then said, "wow...don't worry. i'm 33." i'm still not entirely sure what that meant.
well, about half an hour of us freezing outside, alison said she would rather chit chat over a chocolate milkshake at denny's than freeze her ass off in the back of dick's, so we decided to leave. all of a sudden, jodi realized that she had the breakfast shift at the restaurant where she works, so she would have to bow out of the prolonged festivities. alison asked me if i was going to go to jodi's house or go to denny's with her and dave. i was flattered by their politeness to include me in their outing without jodi, but i said i would go with jodi. with jodi and i out of the game, dave decided that he too was going to head home. so, alison dropped all of us off.
at jodi's house, she made the couch up for me, and i happily went to sleep in some borrowed pajamas.
the next morning, jodi left for work, but told me she would be back by 11am. i was in and out of sleep after she left, and honestly didn't know how to act at her house with just her parents and sister. they're so nice, but i didn't want to be a burden, so i waited for everyone to leave to attend to their respective obligations before i got out from under the covers and took a shower. after the shower, i folded the blankets jodi let me use, wrote a thank you card to her parents, and prepared to leave. although i was going to wait for jodi to return to her house, i had plans to leave fort bragg by noon, so i could make it back to chico by 4pm. i still had to meet with my thesis formatter and pick up stuff from trader joe's and the university bookstore to give to my mom and brother as gifts.
when jodi returned, she had breakfast from the restaurant and made me some tea. i'm always impressed by jodi's ability to make tea. it seems so simple: boil water, pour water, add tea bag, but when she follows those directions, the tea comes out like it's gourmet or something. anyway, i sipped the tea and read her father's sports illustrated while she took a shower. her mother and father returned home from coaching a t-ball game, and i was able to talk to them for a bit. before i left, jodi wanted to show me some fort bragg nature, so she drove me to a spot where we walked along a trail that ran along the cliff of a beach, and then we followed another trail to the pygmy forest.
i have always felt somewhat of a connection to trees, so i took a lot of pictures of real trees that i felt i would never see again, since they are somewhat absent from my life in houston. i also discovered the black and white function on my camera, so became obsessed with finding my inner ansel adams, and took pictures of trees and vegetation along the trail. i saw my first banana slug too.
unfortunately, jodi got lost leaving the pygmy forest, which wasn't as interesting to see as it was to hear about (which is why i don't have pictures of it), so i ended up leaving fort bragg at around 315pm. by the time i got to chico, it was 7pm. but jodi told me that she appreciated my visiting her. i did enjoy the hike we took, and i am actually still sore from it. the trees were beautiful. i had a horrible drive to make back to chico, but it was nice to see jodi again.
now, saturday night, when i got back to chico, i took a shower, started packing, made sunday midmorning plans to meet up with heather, and then fell asleep. i was pooped. i had every intention of heading to trader joe's for some more vegan trail mix cookies to bring on the plane, and some dark chocolate raisins for my mom, but at around 645am, my mom called to ask when my flight got in to houston. i told her my flight from chico was at 5pm, so i would get to houston at 11pm. this didn't sit right with her, so she had me double check, and it turned out that my flight was at noon! i immediately called heather and we agreed to meet up at 8am. i quickly took a shower, packed, and burned my thesis onto a cd for my formatter. i wanted to drop the cd off before meeting heather for coffee and to talk to her one last time face-to-face before her defense, but the stupid motel office was closed and i couldn't check out. 24/7 service my ass! i had to return an iron and give back my room key, so i knocked on the door and rang the doorbell, but no one ever came out to help me. i ended up just putting the iron by the door and leaving. hopefully my credit card doesn't get charged an abandonment fee.
coffee with heather was bittersweet. it hit me that after i return for graduation next month, i might never go back to chico, and i might never see heather again. i was bummed. and stupid me, i forgot to get a picture of the two of us. i even forgot to get a picture of melanie, jodi, dr. fox, dr. schaefer, and adrienne.
but, anyway, so i just wanted to write about my last days in california, and share some pictures. here's hoping there aren't too many typos...
i got back to houston on sunday night. but before i discuss that, i must mention a little friday/saturday side trip i took to one of california's coastal communities: fort bragg.
not to be confused with the military base of the same name in north carolina, fort bragg is a small town that can be found four hours west of chico. although only 106.1 miles from the chico motel i stayed at, one finds themselves in fort bragg after several hours of winding one lane roads through mountainous areas and a thick forest known as mendocino national forest. now, because i am from texas, and used to national forests being a somewhat barricaded area a la the sequoias and yosemite, which are technically national parks, i was met with some very strange looks and rolled eyes when i asked a group of people native to "the bragg," "how far is the mendocino national forest?" they thought i was retarded, because, unbeknownst to me, i drove through the frikkin' forest to get to fort bragg. hell, i didn't know! i was assuming that should the stupid forest manifest itself in front of me, that i would be greeted with a huge sign or placard stating, YOU ARE HERE: THE MENDOCINO NATIONAL FOREST. BE KIND TO WOODLAND CREATURES. PS. HOPEFULLY YOU DON'T GET CAR SICK OR SCARED OF POTENTIALLY DRIVING OFF CLIFFS!
seriously, i thought there would be more pride in or publicizing of the forest. maybe there wasn't, because, you know, yosemite and the sequoias take up all the glory.
anyway, so the purpose of my trip was to visit my friend jodi, who was not only one of my classmates once (conservation), but also one of my students when i TAed the exhibit installation class for the maidu exhibit. her birthday was on april 4th, so, after meeting dr. schaefer, who suggested it would be good to visit jodi (and also echoed jodi's sentiment that "the coast is lovely this time of year") that afternoon for lunch, i thought i would drive the 106.1 miles to see her. being from texas, where everyone drives about 10 miles over the speed limit, i thought the trip was doable. 106.1 miles divided by 77 miles an hour...i assumed i would be in fort bragg in a little over two hours. yeah right! it wasn't until i got to CA-20 that i realized i might have my next birthday before i got to fort bragg.
now, four hours...in my mind, that's like houston to san antonio, and you're pretty much driving anywhere between 77 and 80 the whole time. keeping that in mind, i guess the drive wouldn't have been so bad if the roads weren't ONE LANE to share with semis filled with safeway products, bulldozers, and grandmas driving cadillacs. oh, and a portion of 20 right after you get to some hills off of I-5, well, it's under construction or something, so that slows you down too. the snail's pace speed limit and the twisty roads don't help much either. if i hadn't already sworn up and down to jodi that i was going to see her on her birthday (and if i hadn't hyped up my gift to her...a dvd that, it turns out, she'd already seen!!!), i would have just said, "oh, how scenic. that's nice," then taken a few pictures of the hills, turned the car around, and headed back to chico. some friend i am, huh?
well, as i drove through lucerne (the switzerland of america! no joke, that's what the welcome sign read), the thermometer in the car started to dip down. when i left chico, it was about 74 degrees (it warmed up about 20 degrees throughout the days i spent in chico. i landed in california and it was 51. when i left for houston, it was about 73). well, due to, i guess, the proximity to the water, the temperature started dropping. when i hit the town of willits (gateway to the redwoods, and 33 miles to fort bragg), the thermometer read 59. in fort bragg, it read 47. i usually love cold weather, but only when i'm prepared for it. when i prance around god knows where in 47 degree weather with chilling winds and only a hoodie for warmth, i hate it.
the road from willits to fort bragg was hell. my palms were so sweaty by the time i discovered fort bragg, because i was gripping the steering wheel so hard, due to my fear on the mountains that i was going to drive off a cliff, or be rammed into by oncoming traffic. and, to make matters worse, i didn't so much as care about getting into a car accident than i did about getting into a wreck while driving a rental car. oh yeah, but i was to blame for any accrued accidents, because, yet again, i engaged in dangerous activity...there i was, scared of driving the rental car off a cliff, yet taking pictures of the forest and road with my digital camera and cell phone. you see, despite being terrified of the drive, i practically sacrificed my life to capture and fit the beauty of the forest into a picture frame. example:
anyway, fort bragg is nice. it reminded me of galveston, only the water was more beautiful, as it was blue and not the dumping ground for the mississippi river, and there seemed to be more to the local culture. you know, artisans and such who are into creating a local scene, rather than integrating starbucks and mcdonald's into the happening places to be.
luckily, jodi didn't have to work, so, as soon as i got to town, she and her family invited me to an italian dinner at a place called d'aurellio's. it was nice, but it seemed a bit strange for a portuguese woman to be running an "authentic" italian restaurant. whatever. the food was good, and the portions were BIG.
after dinner, jodi and her dad wanted to peruse some local art galleries during an event called "first friday," which is locally known as the first friday of the new season when the galleries change their featured works. i liked the stuff. none of it seemed smug, insane, or unaffordable. one of the reasons why i don't go on similar outings in houston, is because you walk into a local gallery, look at photos or reproductions of works by local artists, and you discover that the one piece you like is $1000!!! how in the hell am i supposed to support the local houstonian art scene when i have to pay $1000 for something that is either the size of a pinhead, or not even the real piece? and all those starving artist sales and shit i see commercials for on tv...all that stuff looks like i could go to garden ridge or michael's to buy. $1000. ridiculous and so unjustified. very unreasonable.
by the time jodi, her dad (who i adore, by the way...he seems like a humble, modest man, who is content with his life. he doesn't complain about anything. he was such a kind person, who you can tell has led an interesting life.), and myself got back to her house (oh, jodi lives with her parents and sister again), it was about 10pm, and, according to her mom, "time for jodi to go out." lovely. i knew that it was her birthday and all, but i honestly was under the impression that her birthday would be celebrated with dinner with her family. that's how it happens at my house. but no. jodi wanted to go out. to a pub. and a bar. ugh. she asked me if i wanted to stay at her house, and i told her i did. i wasn't kidding. i wanted to stay home with her parents and watch dateline NBC on tv, lay on the couch, and sleep. i wanted to be an old person! after driving four hours and facing the bitter cold of the coast, i was exhausted. but, i think she thought i was being cute, because plans were made for her friend alison to come over and hatch a saturday night birthday plan. apparently, they'd been celebrating jodi's borthday all week, and, being the last day of the week, they wanted to savor all 24 hours of jodi's actual birth day. they decided to head over to a pub called patterson's, and another bar called dick's.
while jodi and i waited for alison, we colored one of those velvet kiddie pictures of dora the explorer dressed like a pirate, proclaiming "explore the high seas!" in both english and spanish. i should have taken a picture of it. anyway, alison showed up about an hour later, and there was some debate as to who should drive everyone. i was involuntarily assigned designated driver status, but being exhausted, on texas time, and unfamiliar with the area, i did not want to be responsible for driving around drunk people in the dead of night (why did it seem like there were no lights in fort bragg?). i'm so selfish and horrible. in my exhaustion and being forced to go out, i didn't care if i lived or died, or if anyone else did for that matter. but really, i hate when the local californians make the visiting texan drive. my roommates in chico did it, and, it appeared that jodi and alison were fond of that game too.
alison didn't seem too pissed to have to drive...i'm not sure if it's because she wanted to get going and get her drink on, or if she really did prefer to drive. well, before hitting the pub, the car had to swing by dave's house to pick up dave, who looked like a nice, young version of kevin smith, although, i don't know if the tape at the bridge of his glasses was an emo fashion statement, or really holding his glasses together. not that it looked bad. i actually didn't realize there was black duct tape on his glasses until three hours into the night. anyway, the first place we stopped at after picking up dave was patterson's pub in mendocino, which, i guess is the town right next to fort bragg.
patterson's is a pretty cool little place. really nice on the outside, and, in addition to the bar, had popcorn, a water cooler, and free internet on the inside. i guess they take care of sober people there too. the place was about to close (12am), so jodi, dave, and alison just made last call. they bought drinks, and we settled down under a moose head that adorned the wall. i left my camera in the rental car, so the only photo i have here is from the internet:
anyway, it was a cool pub, because it was in a house. i was impressed, because i haven't seen anything like that in houston before. two guys named cort, and something else, came in right when the pub was shutting down. they knew jodi and her posse, and sat down next to our table. they asked what everyone's plans were for the night, and i desperately tried to send everyone vibes to say, "nothing. just heading home after this." i thought my plan was working when cort said, "dick's is dead." sweet! back to jodi's house!
nope. wrong! after finishing their alcohol, and saying bye to cort plus one, who were headed home, we did go to dick's. and it wasn't dead.
(photo from the internet...when i saw dick's for the first time, it was pitch dark outside)
for some reason, despite the cold, we spent the first 15 minutes standing outside watching some man both verbally abuse and praise his bull mastiff. dave smoked. a drunk guy acted like a third grader with jodi, and wanted to know why she wasn't wearing her "swoncho" (apparently, they knew each other). alison bummed a cigarette off of a man who then offered me a "cowboy killer" too. i was just freezing and tried to make small talk and not seem like a killjoy.
thankfully, alison got cold, and i followed her inside. jodi and dave followed. they ordered alcohol again, and we sat at a table, watching the "local color." after some chit chat, dave announced that he needed to get to an atm. since dick's didn't operate with a tab system, dave needed cash. everyone got up, and jodi told me to come along on their "errand." if only the fort bragg definition of errand meant "going to the post office." hell no. it meant "find a bench outside to smoke weed." yep, my second encounter with californians and their drugs.
alison pulled out an altoid tin, and from the tin came a compacted ziploc bag with herb in it. fun. jodi's contribution to this event was a pipe. yay! alison packed the pipe, lit it, took a hit, then passed it to jodi, who then passed it to dave, who then passed it to me. i was freezing, had my hands stuffed into the pocket of my hoodie, and didn't even reach for the pipe to pass to alison, who was sitting next to me, when i said, "i'm good, thanks." i just wanted them to find this damn atm so we could go inside. i wasn't pissed that they were doing drugs behind the bar. i wasn't even pissed that they lied to me and called their drug use and errand. i was just pissed that i was freezing and now had to spend at least the next 15-30 minutes outside on some random street in downtown mendocino. we weren't even hiding! luckily, the wind made it hard for the smoke to draw attention to us.
after taking two hits each, everyone considered their need for recreational drugs fulfilled, and they started walking to an atm, whereever it was. i followed, but then we passed a place called the kelly house (a historic home). jodi exclaimed that only i would appreciate the home as a museum studies person interested in cultural heritage preservation and collection, so she told dave and alison to go to the atm while she gave me a tour of the house. jodi proceeded to go on a rather amusing rant about the significance of the place, their cold storage facility, and why she might never be able to leave her roots. it was another side to her i thought i would never see. she was clearly stoned, but i completely understood what she meant about the house and her county. luckily, dave and alison came back 15 minutes later, because i honestly thought that in her drug-induced stupor, jodi was going to break into the place, and i would then have an arrest on my permanent record.
once we stepped foot back into dick's, jodi and alison went to the bathroom and pulled me in. they then laughed and giggled about how the marijuana was really strong. their eyes were bloodshot, and alison took out a bottle of what can only be described as windex out of her tiny purse, and proceeded to douse herself to rid her body and clothes of the scent of pot. apparently, her parents would kill her if they smelled anything other than cigarettes in the car.
alison got a bottle of water from the bar, and we went outside again, so she could sober up. i guess their high was dissipating, because all of a sudden they seemed depressed. dave went out for a smoke, and a line of four children (seriously, they couldn't have been older than 13) tried to get into the back door of the bar. it was funny, because they were trying to be smooth by greeting us a good evening and everything. they didn't get in. to make small talk, i started telling everyone about an episode of "it's always sunny in philadelphia," where the bar owners on the show discover that everyone at their bar is underage, with a fake id. my retelling of the episode got a laugh out of alison and jodi, but i'm not sure if they were still high or what.
the bartender then came out of the back door, saw me, and said, "i know everyone here, but i don't know you. are you 21? i'm only asking, because the cops just drove past." i nodded and handed him my id, which i'd had in my hoodie pocket since patterson's. he was impressed with my preparedness, but then said, "wow...don't worry. i'm 33." i'm still not entirely sure what that meant.
well, about half an hour of us freezing outside, alison said she would rather chit chat over a chocolate milkshake at denny's than freeze her ass off in the back of dick's, so we decided to leave. all of a sudden, jodi realized that she had the breakfast shift at the restaurant where she works, so she would have to bow out of the prolonged festivities. alison asked me if i was going to go to jodi's house or go to denny's with her and dave. i was flattered by their politeness to include me in their outing without jodi, but i said i would go with jodi. with jodi and i out of the game, dave decided that he too was going to head home. so, alison dropped all of us off.
at jodi's house, she made the couch up for me, and i happily went to sleep in some borrowed pajamas.
the next morning, jodi left for work, but told me she would be back by 11am. i was in and out of sleep after she left, and honestly didn't know how to act at her house with just her parents and sister. they're so nice, but i didn't want to be a burden, so i waited for everyone to leave to attend to their respective obligations before i got out from under the covers and took a shower. after the shower, i folded the blankets jodi let me use, wrote a thank you card to her parents, and prepared to leave. although i was going to wait for jodi to return to her house, i had plans to leave fort bragg by noon, so i could make it back to chico by 4pm. i still had to meet with my thesis formatter and pick up stuff from trader joe's and the university bookstore to give to my mom and brother as gifts.
when jodi returned, she had breakfast from the restaurant and made me some tea. i'm always impressed by jodi's ability to make tea. it seems so simple: boil water, pour water, add tea bag, but when she follows those directions, the tea comes out like it's gourmet or something. anyway, i sipped the tea and read her father's sports illustrated while she took a shower. her mother and father returned home from coaching a t-ball game, and i was able to talk to them for a bit. before i left, jodi wanted to show me some fort bragg nature, so she drove me to a spot where we walked along a trail that ran along the cliff of a beach, and then we followed another trail to the pygmy forest.
i have always felt somewhat of a connection to trees, so i took a lot of pictures of real trees that i felt i would never see again, since they are somewhat absent from my life in houston. i also discovered the black and white function on my camera, so became obsessed with finding my inner ansel adams, and took pictures of trees and vegetation along the trail. i saw my first banana slug too.
unfortunately, jodi got lost leaving the pygmy forest, which wasn't as interesting to see as it was to hear about (which is why i don't have pictures of it), so i ended up leaving fort bragg at around 315pm. by the time i got to chico, it was 7pm. but jodi told me that she appreciated my visiting her. i did enjoy the hike we took, and i am actually still sore from it. the trees were beautiful. i had a horrible drive to make back to chico, but it was nice to see jodi again.
now, saturday night, when i got back to chico, i took a shower, started packing, made sunday midmorning plans to meet up with heather, and then fell asleep. i was pooped. i had every intention of heading to trader joe's for some more vegan trail mix cookies to bring on the plane, and some dark chocolate raisins for my mom, but at around 645am, my mom called to ask when my flight got in to houston. i told her my flight from chico was at 5pm, so i would get to houston at 11pm. this didn't sit right with her, so she had me double check, and it turned out that my flight was at noon! i immediately called heather and we agreed to meet up at 8am. i quickly took a shower, packed, and burned my thesis onto a cd for my formatter. i wanted to drop the cd off before meeting heather for coffee and to talk to her one last time face-to-face before her defense, but the stupid motel office was closed and i couldn't check out. 24/7 service my ass! i had to return an iron and give back my room key, so i knocked on the door and rang the doorbell, but no one ever came out to help me. i ended up just putting the iron by the door and leaving. hopefully my credit card doesn't get charged an abandonment fee.
coffee with heather was bittersweet. it hit me that after i return for graduation next month, i might never go back to chico, and i might never see heather again. i was bummed. and stupid me, i forgot to get a picture of the two of us. i even forgot to get a picture of melanie, jodi, dr. fox, dr. schaefer, and adrienne.
but, anyway, so i just wanted to write about my last days in california, and share some pictures. here's hoping there aren't too many typos...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
"what a feeling....
(...bein's believin'..." okay, so i'm not a welder by day/stripper by night. and if you're too young to understand that reference, you suck.)
anyway, i dropped by dr. fox's office today to pick up the third draft of my thesis from her. she thinks the content is solid and there are only a few minor revisions to make, and it's mostly for stuff i changed from the last draft: a semicolon instead of a comma, a letter that was accidentally capitalized...that kind of thing.
she commented that i looked more relaxed than ever. true. i had a good day today. a refreshing day.
this morning i met heather for coffee and a walk through upper bidwell park. we talked about defenses, work, life, and ambivalence. it's always nice to talk to heather. i wish i could attend her defense, or at least read her thesis. it's about museums and how some of them are going green. really interesting, timely, and relevant, and heather is a great writer. i really feel lucky that heather and i are friends. she and i started the program together, and, strangely enough, we are the second and third of our cohort to defend and get our M.A.s. whenever i think about and realize that, it surprises me. out of nine people, only three saw it through to the end. and the fact that i was one of the nine accepted into the grad program (of 22 applicants)...wow.
when i got here, the cohort's rundown was thus:
archaeology-helene (who knows?), jonathan (done), greg (dropped out)
physical anthropology-erica (dropped out; married greg), teresa (left to take a job with a coroner's office), alicia (dropped out to pursue art)
museum studies-heather (will be done), mike (left to get a law degree, but apparently has simultaneously been working on a thesis for museum studies at the same time. i don't know how that works--pursuing higher education and two different schools at the same time. i hate mike, by the way.), me (will be done)
no one was accepted to pursue cultural anthropology at the time.
we weren't a very social group. each subdiscipline tended to stick to their fellow people. heather, mike, and i didn't hang out though. mike was creepy, and heather seemed like she really knew everyone else. it wasn't until heather and i worked on an exhibit together that we really got to know each other. we worked on two other exhibits together after that, and have since had many, many classes and hit many, many milestones alongside each other.
she's always been there for me, and has always been very kind and open with me, and i feel like she cares, so i have always tried to be there for her as well. we call, write, and email each other a lot, so it's nice to know that we are able to keep in touch. i really value her friendship. when i left heather, it was hard knowing that i would never get another opportunity to go to her boyfriend keith's house to eat, or to her house to leave or pick things up from her porch, or have coffee with her. i (will) miss her.
anyway, today i also met up with my former roommate, rachel, who is now a special ed teacher at a school in yuba city. i don't really think i left chico on good terms with her, but it seems like she was okay with me, and we seemed to fall back into place. i mean, she wouldn't have met up with me if she hated me, right?
again, chico was a good place for me. i grew up here, in a way, and experienced a lot. i found out who i am. i met people, i lost people, i laughed, i cried. i had really wonderful moments, and i had a devastating moment.
i like chico as it is now. as it has been for the past four years. i don't want it to change. this place means a lot to me, and i can't believe that come the end of may, i might never have reason to come back here.
anyway, i dropped by dr. fox's office today to pick up the third draft of my thesis from her. she thinks the content is solid and there are only a few minor revisions to make, and it's mostly for stuff i changed from the last draft: a semicolon instead of a comma, a letter that was accidentally capitalized...that kind of thing.
she commented that i looked more relaxed than ever. true. i had a good day today. a refreshing day.
this morning i met heather for coffee and a walk through upper bidwell park. we talked about defenses, work, life, and ambivalence. it's always nice to talk to heather. i wish i could attend her defense, or at least read her thesis. it's about museums and how some of them are going green. really interesting, timely, and relevant, and heather is a great writer. i really feel lucky that heather and i are friends. she and i started the program together, and, strangely enough, we are the second and third of our cohort to defend and get our M.A.s. whenever i think about and realize that, it surprises me. out of nine people, only three saw it through to the end. and the fact that i was one of the nine accepted into the grad program (of 22 applicants)...wow.
when i got here, the cohort's rundown was thus:
archaeology-helene (who knows?), jonathan (done), greg (dropped out)
physical anthropology-erica (dropped out; married greg), teresa (left to take a job with a coroner's office), alicia (dropped out to pursue art)
museum studies-heather (will be done), mike (left to get a law degree, but apparently has simultaneously been working on a thesis for museum studies at the same time. i don't know how that works--pursuing higher education and two different schools at the same time. i hate mike, by the way.), me (will be done)
no one was accepted to pursue cultural anthropology at the time.
we weren't a very social group. each subdiscipline tended to stick to their fellow people. heather, mike, and i didn't hang out though. mike was creepy, and heather seemed like she really knew everyone else. it wasn't until heather and i worked on an exhibit together that we really got to know each other. we worked on two other exhibits together after that, and have since had many, many classes and hit many, many milestones alongside each other.
she's always been there for me, and has always been very kind and open with me, and i feel like she cares, so i have always tried to be there for her as well. we call, write, and email each other a lot, so it's nice to know that we are able to keep in touch. i really value her friendship. when i left heather, it was hard knowing that i would never get another opportunity to go to her boyfriend keith's house to eat, or to her house to leave or pick things up from her porch, or have coffee with her. i (will) miss her.
anyway, today i also met up with my former roommate, rachel, who is now a special ed teacher at a school in yuba city. i don't really think i left chico on good terms with her, but it seems like she was okay with me, and we seemed to fall back into place. i mean, she wouldn't have met up with me if she hated me, right?
again, chico was a good place for me. i grew up here, in a way, and experienced a lot. i found out who i am. i met people, i lost people, i laughed, i cried. i had really wonderful moments, and i had a devastating moment.
i like chico as it is now. as it has been for the past four years. i don't want it to change. this place means a lot to me, and i can't believe that come the end of may, i might never have reason to come back here.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
details...
you already know the outcome of my defense, but, i thought i'd relive the day.
although i will have to make minor revisions to my thesis before sending it to my formatter, the hard part is over. this is the first time in a LONG time that i haven't worried about making time to work on it, or do a little more research.
my defense ran from 930am-1215pm. i presented my thesis information in the form of a powerpoint presentation for about an hour. i rehearsed my presentation the night before, but there was one area i seemed to not be comfortable with, and during my actual presentation, it showed. it also didn't help that i knew that was the most important part and i let my nerves get the best of me. however, it was my research and i did know what i was talking about. i was there.
after the presentation, the floor was open to questions. i got a two-part question from a guest who showed up midway into my presentation, but most of the questions came from my committee. they took turns asking me about my experiences, statistics, theoretical models, and study site. i had prepared for the worst when it came to questions, and i thought they'd nit-pick and tear my methodology apart. their questions were very reasonable, and i did have an honest and actual answers for them. i've never really been a good BSer, so that also worked in my favor. dr. schaefer seemed to like the two theoretical models i chose to guide my research. dr. fox said i showed some forward thinking in choosing a model that was from the business world, and applying it to a nonprofit, and then further applying it to a museum. that was a relief to know, as i thought they'd kill me for not choosing a theoretical framework pulled straight from anthropology or the museum field. dr. fox did think that the title of my thesis was inspired by margaret mead's "coming of age in samoa," since my thesis title starts off with "coming of age in the museum..." she thinks anthropology reaches the deep recesses of my brain :)
after questions, we then discussed the job i will start after graduation, and they called me one of their "success stories." because of this, they've asked me to write a piece for the department's newsletter, the museum of anthropology's newsletter, and something for IRA, which i believe is an organization that helps fund some programs on campus, including the museum of anthropology. i really do believe that the hands-on classes and activities we do in the museum studies classes allowed me to apply principle to practice. before coming to chico, my resume was pretty much a blank piece of paper. through the classes and work opportunities dr. schaefer and dr. fox gave me, i think i look good on paper. i mean, the ocean star likes me, right?
we talked so much about the thesis and the job, that i forgot i still had to leave the room for my committee to discuss awarding me the degree. after everything, i still had doubts. again, i'd heard from people that they take forever to decide. i only had enough time to wash my hands in the bathroom before i heard dr. fox call me from down the hallway to return. when i walked back into the room, both of them were standing and dr. fox said, "trina, congratulations. we would like to award you a master of arts degree in anthropology with an emphasis in museum studies." i was really excited, and all of us hugged and signed papers. dr. schaefer asked me to visit her museum administration class later in the day to talk about my thesis and new job, to sort of encourage them to see that the museum studies program is worthwhile.
so that was my day yesterday. after three and a half years of classes and a year away to work and do my thesis, everything worked out in the end.
although i will have to make minor revisions to my thesis before sending it to my formatter, the hard part is over. this is the first time in a LONG time that i haven't worried about making time to work on it, or do a little more research.
my defense ran from 930am-1215pm. i presented my thesis information in the form of a powerpoint presentation for about an hour. i rehearsed my presentation the night before, but there was one area i seemed to not be comfortable with, and during my actual presentation, it showed. it also didn't help that i knew that was the most important part and i let my nerves get the best of me. however, it was my research and i did know what i was talking about. i was there.
after the presentation, the floor was open to questions. i got a two-part question from a guest who showed up midway into my presentation, but most of the questions came from my committee. they took turns asking me about my experiences, statistics, theoretical models, and study site. i had prepared for the worst when it came to questions, and i thought they'd nit-pick and tear my methodology apart. their questions were very reasonable, and i did have an honest and actual answers for them. i've never really been a good BSer, so that also worked in my favor. dr. schaefer seemed to like the two theoretical models i chose to guide my research. dr. fox said i showed some forward thinking in choosing a model that was from the business world, and applying it to a nonprofit, and then further applying it to a museum. that was a relief to know, as i thought they'd kill me for not choosing a theoretical framework pulled straight from anthropology or the museum field. dr. fox did think that the title of my thesis was inspired by margaret mead's "coming of age in samoa," since my thesis title starts off with "coming of age in the museum..." she thinks anthropology reaches the deep recesses of my brain :)
after questions, we then discussed the job i will start after graduation, and they called me one of their "success stories." because of this, they've asked me to write a piece for the department's newsletter, the museum of anthropology's newsletter, and something for IRA, which i believe is an organization that helps fund some programs on campus, including the museum of anthropology. i really do believe that the hands-on classes and activities we do in the museum studies classes allowed me to apply principle to practice. before coming to chico, my resume was pretty much a blank piece of paper. through the classes and work opportunities dr. schaefer and dr. fox gave me, i think i look good on paper. i mean, the ocean star likes me, right?
we talked so much about the thesis and the job, that i forgot i still had to leave the room for my committee to discuss awarding me the degree. after everything, i still had doubts. again, i'd heard from people that they take forever to decide. i only had enough time to wash my hands in the bathroom before i heard dr. fox call me from down the hallway to return. when i walked back into the room, both of them were standing and dr. fox said, "trina, congratulations. we would like to award you a master of arts degree in anthropology with an emphasis in museum studies." i was really excited, and all of us hugged and signed papers. dr. schaefer asked me to visit her museum administration class later in the day to talk about my thesis and new job, to sort of encourage them to see that the museum studies program is worthwhile.
so that was my day yesterday. after three and a half years of classes and a year away to work and do my thesis, everything worked out in the end.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
hooray for moi!!!
i did it.
i ain't no april fool!
as of 12pm today, i have a master's degree.
today was not only one of my luckiest days, but i also felt like i really accomplished something. i did this, and i did it myself. i own this.
i ain't no april fool!
as of 12pm today, i have a master's degree.
today was not only one of my luckiest days, but i also felt like i really accomplished something. i did this, and i did it myself. i own this.
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